Idiots at the ATM

Unless you are a visitor from another galaxy or someone born before women had the right to vote, you should know how to use an ATM.

How difficult is it to shove a card into a horizontal hole and type in your PIN?!

Apparently, very.

Hell, the damn thing even speaks about 10 languages.  So unless you are from Papua New Guinea that shouldn’t be an excuse.

If I stand behind one more idiot that doesn’t know how to complete a transaction in less than a minute, I’m going to go into ATM rage.

Take, for example, the little incident that happened during lunch.

I had raced to the health club for my 12:15 p.m. spin class.  With five minutes to spare (the parking gods were smiling on me today), I pit stop at the Chase ATM located  inside the building.  I figured, this should only be a 30 second detour.  Stick the card in, punch in the PIN and deposit my check.

Uh. No.

There’s a repair guy working on one ATM and a woman with the I.Q. of a lint brush attempting to make a deposit on the other.

(This is the part where I tell the blood vessels in my brain to please not cause a stroke.)

She kept shoving formerly folded, wrinkled checks into the deposit slot and the machine kept rejecting them.  Further, she doesn’t get the concept of sticking all the checks in at one time.  Even though those instructions are clearly displayed on the screen.  (Mr. ATM repair guy even tells her the same thing verbally. The only think missing was the Goodyear Blimp flashing instructions.)

By now, I’m dangerously close to missing the start of my class.  Which, of course, means I have to become assertive.  Here’s what I want to say:

Listen up.  You are so incredibly stupid that you should only deal directly with bank tellers. Most of them are equally as stupid so so you should get along just fine.  Please leave the ATMs to people who can actually read instructions and don’t wad their checks into a ball before attempting to deposit them. 

However, this is what I actually say:

Hi.  I’m sorry to disturb you, but my class is about to start.  Do you mind if I just deposit one check.  I’ll be done in less than 30 seconds.

She turns around and looks at me like I’ve spoken to her in Sanskrit.

Oh lord.  Please don’t make me reach up and pull you away from the machine by your hair.  (Which incidentally would be really cute if this were still the 80s.)

Lucky for her she decides to cancel her eighth deposit attempt and step away from the machine.  Thirty seconds letter, I’m walking away with the receipt in my hands.

Oh, and if you are one of those idiots that doesn’t know how much money you have in your account, don’t even think of standing in front of me when you start playing the “let’s see how much money I can get out of this ATM.” Watching you guess withdrawal denominations in $10 increments does not amuse me.

I bet you are the same person who holds up a grocery store check out line by attempting to pay by check.


Categories: People are stupid

1 comment

1 Polly { 02.29.12 at 2:10 am }

LOL Can just see you steaming. She is probably a whizz on locker security too.