Rantopolis

The hell chronicles: part 3–the new car

For those of you who have been following my new car purchase saga, I will cut to the chase.  Ta da!

I've waited a long time for this key.

The car is finally in my possession.  I love it!  But lemme tell you, I had a day from hell on Monday.  It went a little something like this.

8:30 a.m.  Dealership calls.  Car was supposed to arrive late Sunday night/first thing Monday morning.  It’ s not there.  Sales person will try to reach the truck driver.

8:45 a.m.  Driver tells salesperson that he is in southern Illinois.  Expects to be dropping my vehicle off in the Chicago suburbs by 2 p.m.

8:45 a.m. to 1 p.m.  I work.

1 p.m.  I put on makeup and Mercedes-buying clothes.  I double check the train schedule to the suburbs.  This is kind of a first since I have a severe allergy to public transportation.

2:15 p.m.  I haven’t heard from the sales person.  I call him.  I get vmail.

2:45 p.m.  I phone again.  This time I get him.  He’s been in a meeting for an hour.  He says he will go to the service department to check on my car and will call me back.

2:55 p.m.  Sales person calls back.  Driver tells him he is way off schedule.  Car won’t arrive until late in the day.  I will not have it until the next day.

2:55:10 p.m.  I have a major meltdown on the phone.  Delivery date of this vehicle has been changed so many times I feel like an extra in Ground Hog’s Day.

2:56 p.m.  Sales person realizes he has a criminally-insane middle-aged woman on the other end of the phone.  That’s when he starts giving me free things.  Like a free protective coating on the entire exterior and interior of the car worth more than $1,000.  I will now be protected against acid rain on the outside and vomit on the inside.  Sweet.  That makes me a little less stabby.

4:15 p.m.  I’m bitching about the day’s events to a friend.

4:16 p.m.  I receive a text with a picture of a car.  My car.  WTF?!

4:17 p.m.  Salesperson calls.  Guess what?  Car has arrived!  I don’t question why.

4:30 p.m.  I’m in my building’s garage with a power screwdriver removing the plates from my old car.  One of the screws holding the rear plate refuses to budge.  Four guys each take turns trying to remove the screw.  Nothing.  I am concerned that I will miss my train to the suburbs.  I suddenly get the idea to slip the plate off by maneuvering the screw hole up and over the screw head.  Success.  Clearly, I am channeling Einstein.

5:00 p.m.  I’m on the bus, headed to the train station.  I am using my iPhone to try to figure out if I can buy a ticket on the train since I will be cutting this close.

5:50 p.m.  I enter the train station.  I head to the ticket area.  Apparently, I have been transported to Victorian England.  No ticket buying kiosks.  You have to stand in line.  There are at least 50 people ahead of me.  That’s not going to happen.

5:55 p.m.  I board the train.  I’m happy to pay the $3 surcharge on the $4 ticket for buying it onboard.

5:59:30 p.m.  Drunk married guy sits next to me on train. I will now mock him on Facebook.  Fabulous way to kill time.

6:15 p.m.  Hunger kicks in.  I have nothing edible on me.  I wonder if drunk married guy might have a spare snack in his pocket.  I resist the urge to ask him.  Don’t want to disturb his catatonic stare.  Plus if he opens his mouth, I may end up inhaling enough booze fumes to fail a breathalyzer test.

6:30 p.m.  Drunk married guy exits train.  I am sad.  I have lost my FB  muse.

6:50 p.m.  I exit the train.  Sales guy picks me up from the station.  He tells me that the reason the truck was delayed this morning was because the driver damaged the first one he drove off the truck.  And I thought I was having a bad day.  Think of that new car owner who’s been waiting for that vehicle for three months.  I wonder how much free shit he’s going to end up with.

7:10 p.m. I meet my new car.   I am in love.  I quickly forget that I have been aggravated for almost three months.

7:15 p.m. The dealership gives me a bouquet of flowers.  (I like the art gallery better.  They give me champagne when I buy something.  Apparently driving out of the dealership drunk is not desirable.)  I give them back the flowers and tell them to put them back in water.  I do not want them to die while we take the next two hours going through formalities.  Are you people sure you don’t have champagne?

7:20 p.m.  We sit down to complete the paperwork.

7:21 p.m.  I am ravenous.  I ask the sales guy if they have a snack area.  I’m thinking they should give me a steak or something.  It’s Mercedes, afterall.  I settle for a bag of pretzels out of the vending machine.  (Okay, if there is no champagne in this joint, maybe someone in the service department has a brewski buried in a tool chest?)

8:00 p.m.  Back to the car for a basic tutorial.

8:30 p.m.  Head is exploding from the tutorial.  Can I please leave now?  (And don’t forget my flowers!)

8:35 p.m.  I leave the dealership driving like an 80 year old.  If anybody even thinks of hitting my car I will rip their head off.  I probably have a button on the console I can push to make that happen.

9:30 p.m. I pull into my building in the city.  I am oddly compelled to sleep in the car.  However, I know that the building staff will gossip if I do.  After almost 20 years of living here, I have a pretty large dossier.  Grudgingly, I say goodbye to my new ride.  Since I owned the last Mercedes for 16 years, I know that I and my new hunk of metal are going to share a ton of grand adventures.

Here’s to the next 16 years!

Categories: Car drama

2 comments

1 Glenn { 11.17.11 at 12:04 am }

Congrats on your new ride! I hope it gives you many years of driving pleasure. I am glad to have joined the MB club at the same dealer too but have to do the new ordering thing next time!

2 Sophia { 11.17.11 at 8:47 am }

Thanks so much! After all the years of compromising and taking what was on the lot, I felt it was time to get exactly the car I wanted. The waiting part is frustrating but then when you get it, it’s worth it. The other part is you have next to no negotiating room. Get this. I went to the car show last winter. While there Mercedes was giving $1,000 discount coupons good for the entire year. I saved the coupon and they actually made me bring it in to get the discount. Otherwise, when you order at the beginning of the season, they will sit there with their arms crossed and tell you that they are sitting on a ton of 2011 inventory and they really don’t have to give you a break on a 2012.