The hell chronicles: part 1–the toilet

My sincere apologies Rantopolis readers for not having posted earlier in the week.   Blame it on Satan.

Yes, apparently, I was somehow transported into hell earlier this week.  That is the only reason I can come up with for the crap (literally, as you are about to find out) that has rained on me in the recent past.

About a week ago, I received a phone call from the management office that oversees my Florida Keys condo.  (Hi Jason. C’mon…you didn’t think I wasn’t going to write about this, right?!)  The call began with, “I’m sorry but I don’t have good news for you.”

Oh, great.  What is it?  A bed bug infestation?  A late season hurricane detached my unit from the rest of the building and it is now floating to Cuba?   A bunch of bikers spray painted “helter skelter” all over the walls?  What??!!

“Well, it seems the renters that were in there earlier today, flushed the toilet in the master bathroom and then checked out.  Unfortunately the toilet overflowed and dumped gallons of water into the master bedroom.  It’s reached almost to the external wall.”

And people wonder why I swear so much.

What did the fucking renters put down my damn toilet?!  A watermelon?!!

And don’t tell me they flushed the toilet and then suddenly they ran out not knowing that it was overflowing.  Last time I checked my condo wasn’t a changing station for the Ironman Triathlon.

Maybe they flushed a baby alligator?

I just cannot wrap my brain around how careless people are with other people’s property.  I now literally want to find them and pour the entire contents of Lake Michigan into their living space.

Lucky for them I do not know their name or address because I’d already be on their front porch with a hose.

When all is said and done, the bill for this shit-tastic experience will end up being close to $1,000.  Water removal, fan drying, industrial steam cleaning, etc.  (This doesn’t include loss of income.)

Did I mention they had to remove the baseboards because the water had seeped behind them and started creeping up the drywall?

In 21 years of owning this condo, I’ve never had a single issue with a toilet overflowing.  (And I gutted the entire place four years ago, so everything is brand new.)  And, the toilet seems to be fine after the fact.  So, there is only one thing that remains.

That is for me to wish this particular renter an eternity of bad luck.  Let’s start with the ebola virus and work our way up.

Stay tuned for part 2 of the Hell Chronicles.  (Yes, unfortunately, there is more.)

Categories: Disgusting things , Home repairs , I paid what?! , Karma's bitch , The Conch Republic , The Hell Chronicles


1 Bea { 11.10.11 at 5:47 pm }

Two concepts known as accountability and responsibility seem to totally escape some people. I beseech the heavens on a daily basis to clear my path of these people.

2 Sophia { 11.10.11 at 5:52 pm }

Say it loud, sister. I was raised to respect people and their property. I simply don’t get people who weren’t.

3 Venti With The Girls { 11.10.11 at 11:47 pm }

Don’t get me started. Adults like that also apparently teach their kids the same manners. I can’t tell you how many kids have been to our house and repeatedly break things. A brother and sister BOTH managed to put their feet through a ceiling tile while swinging on the swings in our basement! My kids know to treat things with respect no matter whose it is and even more so when it belongs to someone else. So sorry you had such ignorant renters.

4 Sophia { 11.10.11 at 11:50 pm }

You can tell a lot about the parents by watching how children behalf. Sorry about your experience, too.

5 Angie Uncovered { 11.11.11 at 9:40 am }

What the hell? Did they sh*t and run? How would you NOT notice water not going down? My toilet has never once backed up in my room but I ALWAYS make sure it actually flushes. Those renters should have it added to their permanent record of renting. It should follow them for life! Assholes.