Rantopolis

Announcing the impending invasion

I can’t remember a day this summer when it hasn’t either been raining or more than 90 degrees.  Except for those days when it was raining and 90 degrees.

This has easily been the crappiest weather-related summer in my entire life.

Apparently Chicago has been relocated to the rainforest.

One of the joys of living in Chicago has always been the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors after a brutal winter.  This year our definition of happiness is making it home without having a tree branch hurl itself through the windshield.

I’ve watched the weather radar on my iPhone so much, it’s replaced Facebook as my most frequently used app.  That should tell you everything you need to know.

But here’s the most important thing.  I’m scared.  Oh, this isn’t about either the heat or the storms.

It’s about the impending invasion.

I believe with great certainty that we are currently incubating mosquitoes the size of Greenland.

The species size and ferociousness will require the donning of a full beekeeper’s suit before leaving the premises.

Mosquitoes absolutely love me.  However, my body usually has an adverse reaction.  (Welts, intense itching and complete misery.)

So, in addition to slathering myself with insect repellent, I think I’m going to lease a crop dusting plane to hover over me every time I exit the building.  I need it to dump gallons of pesticide all around me.

I’ll worry about the cancer and toxic effect on the environment later.

Listen up you blood suckers.  I’ve got you in my cross hairs.

Categories: Disgusting things , Weather or not

3 comments

1 Nikki { 08.07.11 at 10:03 pm }

LOL! The sad thing is I consult my weather app too now–at least two times a day!!! I’m proud to say that I can predict how long it will take a thunderstorm to arrive with precise accuracy!

2 BigFoot { 08.08.11 at 7:04 pm }

I recommend After Bite if the blood sucking has already taken place and Cutter insect repellent in the handy, carry-any-where pump spray. Sadly I speak from experience. This year, I’ve gotten bites in the most unassuming places. I agree with you – it’s going to be war!

3 Sophia { 08.08.11 at 9:41 pm }

Oooh…After Bite. I didn’t know about that. I always get bitten in Florida, so I’ll need to pick some up. (I normally pack Aveeno anti-itch cream. Thanks!