I attract technology-challenged people

I have a friend who has been a successful attorney for years.  While she is intelligent and gifted in many ways, she doesn’t posses a single molecule of technological competence. She’d be the first to admit it.

This has created many a hysterical moment between us over the years.  (Gotta hand it to her.  She has a great sense of humor about the whole thing.)

Her condo is a throwback to the ’80s.  Not even a laptop, let alone a DVR or WiFi.  When she walks into my gadget-rich home office she has an immediate fear of electrocution.  Honest.

Oh…and she’s never texted.  Yeah.  Can’t make this stuff up.

So you can imagine my combined shock and amusement about a month ago when she announced she was getting an iPhone.   Umm…what are you going to sync it with?  Your toothbrush?

The conversation went a little like this.

Me: Are you really sure you need an iPhone.  I’m being honest here when I tell you that I think it will make you cry.

Her: Well, I want a phone that will work in Europe.

Me: You don’t need an iPhone for that.  There are plenty of quad band phones you can choose from.  Or, in your case, I would recommend a can and some string.

Did she listen to me?  Nope.  She bought an iPhone a few days before her trip to the U.K.

Right before her departure, I sent her a text.  I then called her on her land line to walk her through returning it. I know. Great friend, right?!

Then I thought of sending her a photo via text, but I knew her brain would explode.  Instead,  I told her we would go through a more in-depth tutorial when she returned.

She came over a few weeks later.  Before we got started on iPhone 101, I asked her how big her phone was.  Of course a normal person would understand that I was asking about gigabytes.  Not her.  How did she answer the question?

She held the phone up in the air so I could see its physical size.   It was so innocent that I started laughing. Uncontrollably.  Which, of course, made her do the same thing.  We had tears running down our faces. Except she still didn’t know why…but she knew it was going to be a good one.

The next revelation to her was that the iPhone comes with an iPod component.  She was stunned.  More laughter.

Her. Really?!!  This phone has an iPod?!!

Me: Exactly what did you think the icon on the home page with the word “iPod” underneath it meant?

Her. I never even noticed it.  Are you telling me that this phone will let me play music.

Me. Yes.  There is a tiny little man who lives right inside the phone who’s sole purpose is to sing songs to you. (I figured that was easier for her to comprehend than trying to explain the download process.)

Next, we moved to the iPhone’s map feature.  I watched the wonderment in her eyes as the little red pins dropped into place when I typed the word Starbucks in the search field.  I had to remind her to breathe.

I then attempted to show her the app store.  Clearly, I had crossed the line of over stimulation.  We had to stop.

Next up?  She’s promised to let me take her shopping for a laptop.  Oh, that’s going to be a real knee slapper.

Categories: What is wrong with you?