Sequined jackets + diving gear = my closet

I’m not sure what the exact trigger was.  Possibly it’s my UK friend visiting me at the end of the month or the advent of my 40th (unfortunately, not a typo) high school reunion next weekend.

Whatever it was, a little voice inside said it was time to attack the dreaded closets.  Here’s the summary report.

1.  There were enough jackets with shoulder pads that I could outfit an entire high school football team.  Instead of a treadmill, I should invest in a tackling dummy.

Inspiration for Rubik's Cube.

2.  A sequined jacket from the eighties.  (Wear sunglasses when looking at this puppy.)  Did I mention it was heavy?!  So heavy that I had to weigh it.

1 3/4 pounds. New respect for Crusaders wearing chain mail.

3.  A cashmere hoody?!  Really?!!  What am I…14?!  I got it on vacation in Bermuda many years ago.  Apparently, I thought it was a good idea at the time.  Don’t hate.  I also bought a gorgeous (real!) pashmina on that trip.  Clearly not every buying decision is a winner.

4.  Cashmere sweater dress from Max Mara.  Price tag still on it.  Other than my obsession for cashmere, what does that tell you?

5.  A mail order sundress that I bought in about four colors.  After it arrived, I noticed that the cleavage plunged down to my navel.  Not a good look for me…or anyone not starring in a porn flick.

There's a matching neoprene wet suit in my store locker. No sequins.

6.  A buoyancy control device from my scuba diving days.  (By pumping air in and out of it, you can adjust your vertical direction.) In the pocket, I found a little board which allows you to write your diving buddy a note underwater.  (Like, I’m out of air and I will be dying momentarily.) Oh, and a small diving knife.  (I have a much bigger one that straps to my lower leg.  Can’t have too many knives when diving.)

Despite the fact that I was pretty ruthless of what went into the donation pile, there were a few things that I couldn’t part with.

Like the Linda Evans/Dynasty-type gown I wore when giving Richard Simmons an award in the late ’80s.   (Yup.  I name dropped.)

And the fire engine red skirt, that’s about two sizes too small right now.  (I think every girl should have a hooker outfit, just in case times get tough.)

Maybe I should take those plunging neckline dresses out of the donation pile?

Categories: Manual labor