I found urban hunter/gatherers!

After having a fun Sunday morning breakfast with a gal pal, I needed to run a couple of errands before returning home.  My mom was running short on bread and asked me to pick some up if I was going out.  Dutiful daughter that I am, I made a pit stop at one of the little grocery stores in my urban Chicago neighborhood.

Grabbing a loaf of French bread and a half-loaf of Wonder Bread, I made my way to the check out area.  I quickly sized up the two open registers and opted for the one with a young couple unloading their cart.

I stood there for a few minutes as they placed their grocery items onto the conveyor belt.  Not a huge order…but not a super small one, either.  I’d say there were probably about 15 or so items of varying shapes and sizes on the belt.

I place my two loaves behind their order and wait patiently (as patiently as I’m capable of…which is basically, not very)  for them to cash out.

And that’s when she said, “We don’t want a shopping bag.”

No biggie.  Sign of the times.  You see it more and more these days when environmentally-minded folks bring in their own cloth bags or recycle paper ones.  Except in this case, it became obvious that they didn’t mean they that.  They meant we don’t want a bag…any bag…at all.

I perk up.  Militants.  Right in front of my very eyes.  So, now I’ve suddenly gone from bored to gawker!  They do not realize that they have just become entertainment for me.

I watch while they gather (see…I promised you hunter/gatherers!) their various purchases.  A large bottle of juice, half a dozen eggs, a bunch of bananas and so on.  Nothing that could be stacked or easily nested together.

These two probably spend their summers at Camp Cirque du Soleil figuring out ways to grocery shop while doing acrobatics.  That would explain their thin muscular frame.

As they walked away precariously embracing the various grocery items, I looked at the cashier.   We had a moment.

“I have been doing this a long time,” she said.  I’m used to people asking for or doing weird things in the checkout line, but this one is now at the top of my list.”

Wow.  A cashier personal best.  Awesome! It takes a lot to make someone’s top five list who works retail in the city.  Congrats to you freaky hunter/gatherers.

However, much as I enjoyed the moment, I wasn’t in the mood for extended chit chat with the cashier.  No sireee.  I now needed to run out the door quickly to stalk the hunter/gatherers.  I wanted to see how far these two planned on walking with two armfuls of groceries.  Or if, for example, they exited the store and walked right into a double-parked gas guzzling vehicle.

Which, of course, would have made them hypocritical hunter/gatherers.

So here’s me grabbing the two loaves of bread (of course they were in a bag!) and running out the door.  I hit the street and quickly scan for my Sasquatches.

You gotta understand.  I live in a neighborhood where people pay other people to park their car, walk their dogs and pick up their dry cleaning.  People walking down the street cradling unbagged food?  Not so much.

If you squint, you can see them at the corner. Like photographing Sasquatch, you can't get too close.

I look to my right, and then to my left.  There they were.  Already at the corner.  Apparently hunter/gatherers walk fast.

Like a lunatic, I start running down the street with my two loaves of bread.  I’m secretly thinking how awesome it would be if they dropped the eggs.  (I also am aware that the thought just cost me karma points.)

They turn the corner and proceed to walk down another half block where they go into the lobby of a high rise.  I watch them struggle with door.  But they manage to make it through without dropping a thing.

Damn!  Talented hunter/gatherers!

But, I’d love to up the anti.  Hey hunter/gatherers!  I triple dare you to pull this stunt at Costco!

Categories: Idiots at the store , What is wrong with you?


1 Denise Hilliard { 05.02.11 at 9:12 pm }

Doesn’t take much to entertain you! Very funny!

2 Sophia { 05.02.11 at 10:29 pm }

I’ll chase anyone down the street for a good laugh. I aspire to new levels of shallow.

3 Linda { 05.05.11 at 12:35 pm }