Rantopolis

Whole Foods horder

It’s official.  I’m turning into my mother.

It became apparent when I returned from this week’s trip to Whole Foods.  I discovered that I was inadvertently building a food bunker. The third box of cereal was the tipping point.

Senility or hording? Take your pick.

How the hell did you not remember that you already had an entire cereal warehouse on the shelf already?!

Sigh. I think it’s safe to say I won’t have to buy another box of cereal until after Memorial Day.

Then I discover that cereal isn’t my only problem.  I’ve got doppelganger preserves and Kashi Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies.   (Your honor, I deserve a hall pass on the Truvia.  It was on sale.  Who can resist a duplicate box of sweet powdered plant stuff?)

While we are at it, also ignore the stash of paper towels and the six boxes of Kleenex right behind the cereal.  Everyone knows it’s against the Bible according to Costco, not to buy multiples.

And this is precisely the moment that I realized that I am turning into my mother.  On the bright side, if there is a war, I’m totally covered.  She’s got enough back up supplies in her apartment that we would easily survive an atomic blast.   The stash of bar soap alone would neutralize any radiation that would come our way.

As for food, I’m guessing we could easily outlast a half-year siege.  Those cult survivalists don’t have anything on her.  (She’d even figure out a way to bake shrapnel into a tasty treat.)

Still, I now have to become a little more vigilant.  What starts with a few extra boxes of cereal can very easily spiral down to rinsing out baggies and hanging them up with clothespins to dry before reusing.

After that, the only thing left  before hitting bottom is saving pieces of aluminum foil, string and twist-ties for reuse.

Oh, man.  My future just flashed in front of me and I’m pretty it includes a coupon caddy.

Just smother me with one of those previously-used baggies right now.

Categories: Shopping roulette