Rantopolis

Random Sunday shopping encounters

Having spent most of the day on paperwork, at 4 pm it was time to venture outdoors to deal with yet another light bulb saga. (You may recall my prior light bulb confessional. There doesn’t seem to be an end to my bad light bulb karma.)

I'm starting to think candles are the way to go.

The tale started with this burned out 75 watt flood lamp which I had put on the kitchen counter.  This is what happened when I lightly brushed against it.  So much for taking it with me.  Oh joy.  I love sweeping tiny glass shards.

To maximize my chance of finding what I need, I decide to go to Home Depot to find a replacement.  While there, I pick up a few other things.  The cashier happened to be near the exit.  The security guard who typically asks you for your receipt as you leave, was standing 10 feet away, watching me the whole time.  Since his eyes hadn’t left me, I figure it’s pretty safe to put the receipt away.  I’m in front of him in three steps, continuing my stride toward the door.  He stops me.

Miss, can I see your receipt?

Seriously?!  You’ve been watching me the whole time.  You saw the entire transaction.  You watched me pay.  The only thing that I could have possibly stolen was some air between the cash register and you.  And last time I checked, I’m pretty sure air is free.

Okay.  You can leave.  Have a nice day.

You’re an idiot (said under my breath).

Such a deal

Next up was a quick stop at Whole Foods to pick up some calcium with Vitamin D.  Now, I’m a big Whole Foods fan, but we know that shopping there takes a big chunk out of the shopping budget. There’s a reason why the place is nicknamed Whole Paycheck. Here’s what happened when I went to the pay for the bottle.

Cashier (with a stunned look on her face):  Wow!  You were able to get that huge bottle for only $14.00?!

Me: Yeah, I know right?!

Cashier (attempting to correct herself):  Oh, I’m sorry.  What I meant to say, we always offer good value here  at Whole Foods.

I burst out laughing. Huge belly laugh, in which she joined me.  Good thing it wasn’t the bottle of omega 3-6-9 flaxseed oil.  You need to sell a kidney for that.

Home Depot:  0      Whole Foods: 1

Next was a quick stop at the local CVS.  It happens to be in the middle of the bar scene in Chicago.  I walk by one of the newer establishments and find this:

Writer wannabe?

Okay, I’ve seen a lot of signs in the windows of bars and restaurants, but this was wordier than most.  For example, in the Florida Keys you often find “shoes and shirt mandatory.”  It amuses me that someone what even think of entering a bar without either, but whatever.

But, due to the length, I’m thinking that the person who wrote this must be a frustrated writer.  Somewhere in the back room, I’m guessing are a few more pages:

We expect you to be well groomed, no frayed or torn jeans, no baggy pants, caps have to be worn with the brim forward.  There will be no spitting, swearing or fighting.

Be nice to your parents, don’t cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend, be punctual at work,  prepare your taxes honestly and tip your doorman.

Don’t wear white after Labor Day, if you step on a crack, you’ll break your mama’s back and brush your teeth after every meal.

Thanks Hemingway.

That was my weekend shopping excitement.  Would love to hear about yours.

Categories: Shopping roulette